Limp noodles: The Quick and the Undead

Posted by Cory Casciato On April - 9 - 2009

quickandundeadIf you’ve ever wanted to see one of Sergio Leone’s Clint Eastwood spaghetti westerns remade as a cheap, schlocky zombie gore-fest, The Quick and the Undead will make you very happy. Until you actually watch it, anyway.  The basic premise is that 85 years after biowar weapons create zombies, large swathes of the world are overrun. Bounty hunters make a living by exterminating the foul beasts and collecting their fingers to claim their bounty. Two rival hunters square off, lots of double dealing ensues, people get killed, people get eaten, stupid plot twist after stupid plot twist is revealed and the hero rides off in the sunset.

The plot made no sense to even cursory examination. See, the main bad guy is supposedly scheming to create more zombies because he’s afraid his livelihood is running out. Great, except that the whole freaking world is still overrun. Every corner they turn is crawling with freaking zombies. A better plan might have involved not teaming up with so many untrustworthy idiots. Less shares of the loot to dole out, less double-crossing, fewer utter dumbasses fucking up your groove.

It didn’t help that the acting was atrocious. The direction, production and writing — all from one guy, no surprise — were abominable. The movie looked like shit and the ham-fisted steals from Eastwood/Leone classics came off not as homage but as pathetic mockery. All in all, it was just a total mess.

3 Responses to “Limp noodles: The Quick and the Undead

  1. Biddie says:

    I think that I own this one, too. I only paid $5 at Wal-Mart though, so no big loss. When insomnia hits, I will watch just about ANYTHING.

  2. Cory Casciato says:

    What did you think of it?

  3. Biddie says:

    If I remember correctly, I was glad that I hadn’t spent more than 5 bucks on it :)
    I watched Martyrs a couple of nights ago. It’s not a zombie flick, but it is in the horror genre. It was…wow. The gore was incredible, it was unlike anything that I had ever seen before.
    Just..wow.

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