Every once in a while, I buy a movie without knowing anything about it. It rarely ends up well. A perfect example is the fact that I own Dead Moon Rising. It’s one of the dumbest and flat-out worst movies I’ve ever seen. The random, incoherent story pits a ragtag bunch of idiots in a fight against hordes of zombies, with nary an original idea in sight. Every fifteen minutes something new and stupid was added. The constant novelty kept it from being too slow, but made it extra retarded. The smirking, cartoonish goofball of a lead — who can barely act — delivers the majority of the story in a series of asides, which is just unforgivable. What else went into this shit sandwich? There were many lame attempts at humor. According to the cover, it has the largest zombie scene ever. I suppose that’s something, if it’s true (is there some kind of certifying board for that?). Basically, not worth anyone’s time unless you have to see absolutely every zombie movie ever made. In that case, save it for the last stretch and maybe you’ll luck out and die before you get to it.
Painfully dumb: Dead Moon Rising
On April - 1 - 2009
See, these are the reviews that I need! Thanks for saving me from this one!
[…] 8 ) Dead Moon Rising – Here’s a hint to the filmmakers. You do not tell your story exclusively through the use of asides directed at the camera/audience. And you most especially do not use a talentless, uncharismatic ass clown as your lead/narrator if you do. And you don’t make a major subplot involving him pissing himself and hating guns because of said pissing incident. And also … well, just don’t ever make another movie, okay? That’s probably simpler. (Full review here) […]