The Inevitable Zombie Apocalypse

Take a whole lot of enthusiasm for the zombie genre and a complete and utter lack of talent or skill in any of the disciplines needed to make a movie, stir well and you will get Deadlands: The Rising. The debut feature from director/writer/producer/star Gary Ugarek, D:TR is a run of the mill zombie apocalypse tale. Bioweapon is used, the dead walk, society crumbles. Ho hum. The story is not only utterly pedestrian, it’s executed poorly. For example, I do not need interminable scenes of dudes shooting guns at bottles. This does nothing for me, or for the movie.

As apparent as it is that Ugarek loves zombie movies, it is also painfully apparent he has no idea how to write, act, direct or produce one. The movie is technically shoddy, the makeup is perfunctory, the acting is … well, the best actor is the wild-eyed, scenery-chewing redneck that tries to organize a shelter full of refugees to prepare for the onslaught of zombies. And despite being the best here, he is, by all standard measures, one of the worst actors I have ever seen. Everyone else is just listless and boring; at least he’s good for a laugh. The whole thing meanders, and even at a brief 63 minute runtime, it still feels slow. It’s not the worst zombie movie ever made (I still give that nod to Zombie Night) but it’s also pretty much without merit as entertainment, much less art.

Deadlands: The Rising/US/2006

I’m more of a reader than a listener, but when I am in the car (like I will be a lot on my vacation) podcasts are just about the perfect way to speed the journey. So while I am away, I’ll be catching up on the backlog of Mail Order Zombie, the best zombie podcast I’ve found. The show originally focused on direct-to-DVD zombie movies, but has since expanded to all things zombie, from books, to movies to games and more. It’s a once weekly, two-ish hour podcast with the hosts Brother D and Miss Bren, plus assorted guests. Each week, they review a few movies, answer some listener questions or respond to feedback, have a few guests, talk about their daily lives — you know, the usual podcast thing. It’s very professional sounding, apart from the fact that Brother D is not blessed with one of those incredibly deep, resonant “radio voices” you’re used to hearing on commercial radio. Apart from that very minor quibble, Brother D is entertaining and well-versed in all things zombie and an excellent, engaging host. I fully expect he’ll help the miles fly by. Check him out and tell him I sent you.

In Zombie Honeymoon we get a sad and horrific tale of zombification told from a point of view sympathetic to the zombie. While on his honeymoon, Danny is attacked by a zombie that emerges from the surf, pukes black ooze into his mouth and expires. Danny dies, reanimates in the hospital and begins eating people shortly thereafter – much to the chagrin of his newlywed Denise. She sticks by him even as the body count rises, but it’s a hard lot (indeed) and before long she’s questioning her decision.

The premise of this movie, while not completely original, is at least a lot fresher than the typical zombie apocalypse/siege. Unfortunately, the execution is pretty weak. The relationship between the leads seems believable, but incredibly shallow – it’s hard to imagine she’d stick by him if he got a parking ticket, much less when he starts eating people. The actors playing the leads just aren’t really likable enough to generate any sympathy, so you end up hoping they’ll get caught, or he’ll eat her or something bad will happen to them. Of course, the people getting eaten aren’t terribly likable either, so it’s kind of a wash.

The zombie makeup is passable if unremarkable, but it doesn’t really get used a lot until the last third when the decay sets in. And by that point, you’re pretty much ready for it to end, or for more people to go zombie or for anything to happen besides the sudsy, melodramatic and unbelievable relationship dynamic that drives the whole thing. The pacing is glacial, and remarkably little happens for most of the movie. There are a few murders and a little bit of gore, but not enough to keep things moving. It’s a made-for-cable movie, and probably worth sitting through if you came across it some late, sleepless night when there’s nothing else on — it might help fight insomnia, but it’s not really worth much beyond that.

Zombie Honeymoon/US/2004

This movie was viewed as part of my second annual Zombie Movie Marathon Month — see the initial reaction piece here.

A daily roundup of all the undead news that shambles into view… Bookmark the home page or add the feed to your RSS reader for your daily dose of walking dead. Got news tips? E-mail me at cory.casciato[AT]gmail.com.

I’m always up for new ideas in the zombie mythos, so this upcoming novel Dead Sexy, about a mortician who gets embroiled in a seamy underworld of for-profit raising the dead, has me intrigued. (io9)

According to this blog and a little Google translation, REC 2 is officially done. (Blog de Jaume Balagueró)

Got Blu-ray? Like Night of the Creeps? Well you’ll be happy to hear that the flick is making it to that format, too. Blu-ray.com has the specs and details. (Blu-ray.com)

Punk rock and zombies have been a great match since 1985′s Return of the Living Dead, and that match is commemorated in the upcoming Punk entry in Sideshow Collectibles The Dead line. (Dread Central)

If you love killing zombies and ’80s music, you are going to be tickled pink to hear that Depeche Mode is making a cameo appearance in Left 4 Dead 2. They’ll be on a T-shirt and possibly more. (Kotaku)

If you get your kicks killing Nazi zombies in Call of Duty: World at War, rejoice in the news that a fourth zombiecentric level, called “Der Riese,” is inbound. (Dread Central)

Finally, this is the last news post you will see for a while. My beloved has convinced me to take a vacation and there won’t be any computers or Internets to update where we’re going. I’m going to try to have scheduled content updates for every day I am gone, but news doesn’t work that way, obviously. So don’t sweat it when you see there’s no news — the regularly scheduled daily wrap-up will return when I return in one week.

Update: My knowledgeable commenters have informed me this is a viral video for the PC shooter S.T.A.L.K.E.R. but it is still fun and worth a watch. Nicely played, S.T.A.L.K.E.R. producers. Nicely played, indeed.

The video embedded above has been making the rounds of the Internets for a while now, and this is by no means the first zombie site to have featured it. But it’s pretty interesting and I’d be remiss in not putting it out there for my audience of zombie aficionados. The video purports to be footage of a man being chased and attacked by … something. Real-life zombies? Sure, why not! It’s shot from a helicopter, it would fit right into any zombie apocalypse movie you care to name and it’s well worth the forty-some seconds it will take to watch it. Is it real? Eh, Occam’s razor tells me it probably is some kind of promo for a Russian zombie movie or TV show, but who knows? It looks fairly convincing to my untrained eye. If it is real, I think I need to step up my zombie apocalypse plans to Defcon 3. What do you all think?

A daily roundup of all the undead news that shambles into view… Bookmark the home page or add the feed to your RSS reader for your daily dose of walking dead. Got news tips? E-mail me at cory.casciato[AT]gmail.com.

If you loved zombies-in-space epic Dead Space but found yourself wishing, “Gosh, I wish I could just watch this instead of playing it,” you are in luck. The film version is coming. (MTV Movies blog)

And if that news has you excited, you can dig deeper with this Variety piece on the upcoming Dead Space movie, which names DJ Caruso as the director and also has a few more minor details for the hardcore fan. (Variety)

The movie adaptation of awesome novel World War Z marches ever deeper into the waters of development hell as it is announced that Paramount Pictures is seeking a new director (remember, just a while ago, they announced a new screenwriter). Is anyone surprised? This movie is going to be a beast to make and my guess is it will eat several more directors, screenwriters, cadres of producers and maybe a studio or two before  we ever see it. (Bloody Disgusting)

Get some more info on World War Z from the man himself, author Max Brooks. It’s a video and it’s embedded after the jump. (via Fangoria)

If you prefer having movies described to you to actually waiting to see them, enjoy this blow-by-blow account of a couple of scenes from Zombieland. (io9)

Or maybe you’d like some interviews with Zombieland director Ruben Fleischer or star Jesse Eisenberg? Click here, or just watch the embedded interviews after the break. (Horror Squad)

Now that British microbudget zombie film Colin has been picked up for theatrical distribution, the BBC speaks with director Marc Price. (BBC)

The iconic “sweater zombie” from Dawn of the Dead is dead. RIP Clayton Hill, we’ll see you again when there’s no more room in hell. (Pittsburgh Post-Gazette)

Enjoy an impressive act of San Diego Comic Con cosplay nerdery, as some dude gets all gussied up as a Left 4 Dead Tank — his companions, dressed as Zoe and Bill, had it way easier. (Kotaku)

Three images from French zombie/gangster/cop epic The Horde appeared — Bloody Disgusting has them for you. (Bloody Disgusting)

Cutesy monster toys from Mezco, including a zombie, emerge from Comic Con. (Bloody Disgusting)

Vampires and zombies and mutants, oh my! Marvel Comics has an X-Men/X-Force/New Mutants storyline with some zombies coming up soon. (io9)

If you’re eagerly awaiting Deadlands 2: Trapped, you’ll be thrilled with the details of the upcoming release. (Horror-Movies.ca)

For comparing their game Zombie School to real school shooting, iPhone developer Retarded Arts (classy name, guys) had their app pulled from the store. Brilliant. (Zombie Command)

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The French may make great wine, but I have yet to see any evidence they can make a decent zombie movie. The best thing that can be said for Jean Rollin’s The Grapes of Death is that it is much better than his other undead attempt, Zombie Lake. Considering Zombie Lake is one of the worst films ever, that’s the very definition of damnation by faint praise. The other thing that can be said for it is Brigitte Lahaie naked. Of course, the woman made porn, so it’s not like this is your best chance to see that.

The Grapes of Death is about a nasty pesticide blend that poisons a batch of wine so thoroughly that everyone who drinks it becomes a rotting, sore-covered maniac/zombie. The film begins with our heroine on a train. A rotting dude gets on the train, kills her friend, and kicks off an interminable series of painfully slow pursuit sequences. Each is the same: our girl runs; meets up with another woman; the other woman gets killed and naked; repeat. Okay, near the end she meets up with some dudes who don’t get naked but do get killed. Wow, what a plot!

The languid pace strips any tension out of the already meager formula, leaving us with a cheap, sleazy and boring exploitation flick. At least the naked scenes are more or less evenly distributed and all the girls are hot, but a few gratuitous nude scenes and some tainted wine are all this zombie movie has to offer.

The Grapes of Death/France/1978

This movie was viewed as part of my second annual Zombie Movie Marathon Month — see the initial reaction piece here.

A daily roundup of all the undead news that shambles into view… Bookmark the home page or add the feed to your RSS reader for your daily dose of walking dead. Got news tips? E-mail me at cory.casciato[AT]gmail.com.

The awesome tower defense game Plants vs. Zombies is coming to the Xbox Live Arcade. Two words can sum up my reaction: hell and yes. It’s a perfect platform for this game. And my review of the original PC version is coming … I promise. Short version: So. Much. Fun. (Worth Playing)

Not only is Paul W.S. Anderson returning to direct the new Resident Evil: Afterlife film, he’s doing it in 3D! And he plans to kick off an all-new trilogy! (Shock Till You Drop)

The ultra-low budget zombie pic Colin will be released theatrically, at least in the United Kingdom. (Screen Daily)

Have a look at the cover of the new Pocket Book edition of Day-by-Day Armageddon by J.L. Bourne (Fangoria)

Two photos of Zombieland, one of a creepy-ass looking zombie clown. I love zombie clowns. (Bloody Disgusting)

Got an e-mail today informing me about an intriguing new site/twist on the zombie mythos. It’s called The Zombie Wilson Diaries, by Tim Long, and it is about a man shipwrecked on a deserted island … with a zombie. A once-hot female zombie, no less. The story is told, as the title suggests, diary-style (which is clearly the best format for a man-alone/desert-island tale) and it looks promising. I haven’t had a chance to read the entire thing yet, but what I have read is well written with some nice horror and comedic elements. When I have a chance I’ll read the entirety of it, but for now I wanted to put it out there so all of you hungering for something new and zombiesque could enjoy it.

Visit The Zombie Wilson Diaries.

A daily roundup of all the undead news that shambles into view… Bookmark the home page or add the feed to your RSS reader for your daily dose of walking dead. Got news tips? E-mail me at cory.casciato[AT]gmail.com.

Word from Night of the Creeps director Fred Dekker is that if the upcoming DVD release sells well, a sequel could be in the works. Also, Blu-ray should be forthcoming too. (Bloody Disgusting)

Get ready for musical zombie mayhem in Graveyard Shift, a dancing, singing undead opus coming to the NYC Fringe Festival. (Fangoria)

More Left 4 Dead 2 info emerges, this time revealing bulletproof zombies — former cops in riot gear. You have to melee the shit out of them to kill them, bullets get absorbed by their kevlar armor. Scary. There’s also another take on the same level reported on a few days ago. Oh, and there’s a few new screens, too and a clip embedded after the break. Wow, Comic Con is like a firehose of zombie video game news, isn’t it? (Kotaku)

South Korea gets into the zombie apocalypse business with The Neighbor Zombie, an anthology of four zombie shorts by four different directors. (Quiet Earth)

Paul W.S. Anderson is returning as director for the next Resident Evil movie. (Production Weekly)

Speaking of Resident Evil, the game part of the franchise could be up for a change in direction and developers … or maybe not. (Kotaku)

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