The Inevitable Zombie Apocalypse

Every zombie movie marathon needs at least one offensive, vulgar, gore-splattered, cheaply made and borderline pornographic shot-on-video piece of crap. And this year The Necro Files completely filled the bill. From the gratuitous, extended opening shower scene to the incoherent climax, this is a movie that never fails to stoop to the lowest possible point. On the one hand, it is utterly awful. On the other … well, it was actually pretty entertaining.

The Necro Files epitomizes what a few hardocre horror fans with a lot of enthusiasm and a little talent can produce. It’s a big, sloppy mess from beginning to end, offensive to all but the most jaded sensibilities and barely coherent at any point. Despite all that, it really kind of works.

It’s the story of a serial murderer/rapist who’s killed by police, then raised from the dead by Satanists into a zombie serial murderer/rapist. He thanks them by murdering them, naturally. Two of them escape, summon a “janitor demon” to get rid of the zombie and then run afoul of the demon they raise, which is an all-white, flying demon baby. The cops who originally killed the guy who becomes the zombie get reinvolved. While this is happening, the zombie is merrily raping and murdering and eating victims. Eventually the zombie falls in love with a blow up doll and faces off against the demon baby and the cops in the final-ish showdown.

Sound ridiculous? It’s even more ridiculous than it sounds. Here’s a few highlights you’ll find if you can uncover a copy of the movie:

• A giant zombie wang
• Multiple zombie rapes
• A drug shooting and sniffing cop that wants to kill everyone
• A baby in a paper grocery bag
• A Satanist in a Smashing Pumpkins T-shirt
• Many, many sex toys
• A tender moment between a blow up doll and the zombie that is interrupted when the demon baby pops the doll
• Arguably the worst acting ever committed to videotape
• And much, much more…

Yeah, so that was that. Can’t say I exactly recommend this movie. After reading this, you either know you want to see it or know you don’t. Trust your instincts either way; they’re right. Oh, and there’s a sequel. Not sure if I want to go there or not…

The short of the day was Guy’s Guide to Zombies, a short and cheesy but fun animated film done in the style of the old ’50s newsreel education films. I enjoyed it for what it was, but it didn’t blow my mind. It’s embedded for you below.