Questions of the Dead: Why do zombies wear such shitty clothes?

Posted by Cory Casciato On May - 18 - 2012

You’ve got zombie questions? We’ve got zombie answers! Ask us anything about the living dead and we’ll do our best to give you the best answer no money can buy. In our inaugural edition, we answer a question from Twitter user @MaryKoCo: “Why do zombies have such shitty clothes?! You JUST died; how’d you mess up your shirt that bad?”

Excellent question, @MaryKoCo! The short answer is, they don’t, necessarily. Have a look at this dapper motherfucker:

Not too shabby, right? A little dusty, perhaps, but looking good in that suit. That’s the first zombie from Night of the Living Dead, the first of the modern zombie films. So, you see, plenty of zombie don’t look bad at all. But you have to consider that fashion means nothing to zombies. They don’t change their clothes; they make no effort to stop viscera and gore from messing up their pants. In other words, the undead lifestyle is really hard on your clothes. You can go from fashion plate to total mess in no time flat.

Also, a lot of zombie film directors are lazy, worthless, uncreative fucks, and they don’t pay any attention at all to things like “how long has this dude been dead, and what state of decay should his clothes be in?” and so they ruin it for everyone else. Nice work, you dickbags.

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3 Responses to “Questions of the Dead: Why do zombies wear such shitty clothes?”

  1. I once walked around for a week without changing clothes and eating nothing but human flesh with my bare hands. By the end of my week, the Hammer pants I was wearing were filthy. Heavy duty detergent and stain sticks barely touched the mess. Now I only break them out when I’m painting.

  2. excellent question… but it’s not always that they have shitty clothes

    right after i started reading the article i remembered the bride zombie from zombieland and the zombies from shaun of the dead

    there are some trendy zombies in those movies!

  3. […] costume. That means piecing together lots of little props, carefully aging your clothes into a suitably shitty state and practicing your zombie makeup day in and day out. Elaborate stuff. If, like me, you aren’t […]

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