Zombie movie marathon the sixth is underway! What, you thought the site was dead, just because I haven’t posted in almost a year? Pshaw! You should know by now — if you didn’t shoot it in the head, it ain’t fucking dead.
Anyway, I’m three days into the annual month-long orgy of zombie movie goodness (and badness) and thought it was time for a quick update, in case anyone at home was following along. So, without further ado, here are brief recaps and random thoughts for the three movies I’ve screened so far. (Like last year, I am alternating movies I have seen with movies I have not, so expect about half old chestnuts and half newer/random shit.)
Dawn of the Dead 2004
The Dawn remake still holds up pretty well. It has some issues with its timeline — like, how long was it from the time the pregnant woman is bit until she dies? Days? Weeks? How come it takes so long for her, compared to just hours for everyone else? — and a lot of the action scenes make no sense if you think about them for a second (those zombies move too fast for escape to ever be plausible, really). Set that aside, and it’s pretty sweet, though. I particularly like how stupid it makes everyone seem, because face it, most people are fucking morons and a zombie apocalypse is not going to change that. “Hey, we’re holed up in a mall with a reasonable amount of supplies and no way for zombies to get in, what should we do?” “I know! Let’s fuck all that and head for some goddamn imaginary zombie-free island in the middle of a fucking lake, because ‘I don’t want to die in a mall’ is a good reason to die sooner!”
Seriously? Yes, seriously. You know people would actually be this stupid in a real apocalypse, so I love that aspect of it. They all get what they deserve.
I heard a lot of good things about this and… yeah, not so much. It wasn’t terrible, by any means. Reasonably well made, moved along at a decent clip, yadda yadda. I even appreciated the fact that it takes a standard zombie apocalypse trope and uses it for its own purposes. But those purposes were a horrid mashup of Tim Burton-style whimsy and a teen romance (come to think of it, that’s Edward Scissorhands) and I was just kind of meh on that approach. I can see why people like it, though. I am just not one of them.
If you haven’t seen it, it goes like this: Zombie meets girl. Zombie decides not to eat girl. Zombie falls in love with girl. Can girl reciprocate? Definitely different, and worth seeing for that reason, but don’t expect too much.
Pet Sematary II
Oh, Pet Sematary II you are SO FUCKING NUTS. I made a list of all the insane things in this movie as I watched it. They include a kitten massacre, a bunny holocaust, dog murder, death by dirtbike, scenery chewing greatness from Clancy Brown, two insane dream sequences complete with furry fetishism, and, of course, zombie rape. Come for the kitten massacre, stay for the zombie rape, that’s what I always say.
In case you didn’t guess, this is a “so bad it’s good” kind of film. It is SO BAD and SO SO GOOD. I cannot recommend it highly enough for connoisseurs of the terrible.
Okay, that’s all for now. I’m going to see the original Dawn of the Dead in the theater tonight (Tom Savini and Ken Foree in attendance!), plus two new films this weekend. See you Monday if I can find the time to bang out a quick post.